Break term is now!

What do you feel when a story ends? To me, it feels like an unkempt mixtape that retain in my head, in which I want to get rid of on one hand and keep it as a memory on the other hand. I would, let say, watch it over if I can't deal with the ending, or looking for similar stories (whose authors or characters are the same) and lately deal with it if that ending is better.

Yesterday I watched "What's eating Gilbert Grape". I like Arnie, the retarded kid played by Leonardo diCaprio. His play gives the whole story a great tie that gradually urging the feeling in the main character, that he would succumb to his dead end life and run away and in the end, he also is the one that open the tie, and the story ends. The rhythm of the movie is quite slow, sometime it's boring, too. But I cannot press the stop button if I still yet can get it. The lesson is: be patient, haste would ruin your emotions.

I, to be honest, seldom watch TV series on TV. Most of the time I download from the Internet and enjoy watching it on laptop. I recently come home early in the noon and join my mom on a cheesy Korean series. It's not that bad, even lots of dramas (typical!). And another point is I can talk to mom during the lunch more often. If the world was a deception of humanity and people are artificial of deception, the only person I would trust so far is my mother. Well, I haven't been so good for such a long time.

These days I don't mind hanging out anymore. I'm so isolated. I don't want to meet anybody, encounter in any relationship, get trouble with my own self. I don't feel like exposure this time. I think I need a rest, and enjoy writing to myself.

Oh, so tired ....

I want to be sedated!

Hello diary!

Tomorrow I'll have IELTS examination at 9am.

I've just came back from the shop. I decided not to drop by my facebook's SIM tonight. My Sim is not very different from me, she is quite lonely. The only thing she can do now is gaining skills at cooking, writing, playing music and painting. Isn't it good?

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I finished watching My so-called life yesterday night. I watched it over this noon. After doing many tough tests. Just for entertaining. I don't want to leave that world. That is so called life. Because I don't have enough dare to confront my real life? Because It's too much an artificial world? Because people are going downward? Because life is being ruined? Um... questioning myself is quite not a practical solution for this dead end boredom.

Well,

realizing I'm talking to myself is hilarious. And freed up. I write for myself, yes I do, I don't need any people to follow me. But sincerely I'll be grateful if you ( who ever are reading) can share your point of view, I always open to talk.

ISOLATION

ok, I'm officially into DIET now! I was delving into lots of diet recipes before going to bed last night. I genuinely quit smoking and drinking 3 months ago. So do the gym. And now my thighs are getting bigger . What a sad story! First time in my life I realize how important leggings are, and even wearing leggings does not satisfy me. Since this term started, I've had to stay up really late ( or stay up all night) so I lost almost energy and that makes me feel like eating every time. (There was a mini fashion show last week that I had to show up in public and, unfortunately, one of my classmate took a picture of me, and, you know, I saw me looking terrible in those boots, my legs are growing fat!)

Besides, I'm going to have the most important examination in this year this Saturday. Really nervous! I afraid I will not have enough consciousness to finish it. I planned to travel to Hongkong next week but I'm too nervous that I have to cancel every thing and isolate myself from friends.

Among the things, I don't want to meet some certain people, do I. I'm fed up with staying silently watching their stories and have nothing to say but being sympathy. Well, I need a break, I really do. I have so much things to deal with in my life. I'm not angel. I don't give loves to everyone.

So....

I'll finish the series tonight. Cannot stop keeping my eyes on them! I'll watch it again in the upcoming weeks. I have to get back to my English practice tests now, one more day to the IELTS! Wish me luck, who ever you are!

Cookies no?

I realize if I'm not sure of anything I will postpone it until I get the answer. I grows old rigid and pesky. Like an old woman sitting by the window and waiting for fascinated things. People ask me to compromise, even I sometime ask myself to compromise. I cannot impose on other people's life. It would hurt them badly if I said rough. On the other hand, they would ruin my believes.

My friends, I cherish them as long as they are my friends. I should seal my mouth more often and trying sympathize.

I bought a hat

I bought a hat from SHOKO. Quite satisfy, except the things everybody made fun of me because I was like wearing it ALL THE TIME.

Well, the reason that urging me to buy a hat is my hair, looks sorta like Cecilia Mendez (image above) but in worse way. I decide to have my hair red, but not enough. These days I've been watching to the old tv series My so-called life, and It is dope! I love every character in that series, and I was tempted by Angela's hair: She dyed it red since the 1st episode. The more the series goes on, the more I deeply sympathize for her. Like when she chases the boy she loves, because of his charming look, when she argues to her parent to protect her friend, and their gang of friend was growing apart day by day, she sometime opposes to her so-called best friend ever Rayanne, ... a lot! I read lots of comment on IMDB about the series, some of them remind of the next episode that I haven't watched yet like Rayanne is gonna sleep with Jordan ( her bf or ex bf) in the episode Betrayal and there are only 19 episodes. Wish I could indulge myself in an evening with the rain outside and digest all the last episodes!

Claire Danes and Jared Leto in My so-called life. Nostalgia!

SARDONIC

Rehearsal. Late. Wait. Haste. Getting angry. Being INSULTED by an ENGLISH teacher (I don't even take an English course in RFFLES???). Being asked What right did I have to talk to him with that voice( high tone???) I'm student. I PAID, already. I'm fashion student. I respect my garments. I respect what I did. My garments are not toys for those people to entertain in the break time of that stupid show. I don't afraid of exposure. I student have my right. Even when I was in high school, I also have right to raise my voice. If they ask us to join their show, they need to respect us, at least. Even that is their show- not us- they still need to respect us. Yesterday THAT english teacher showed off his uncapaple of holding a show and being a teacher, talked to me like crap so I flushed out, eventually.

I know I'm HOT HEAD. Some english teachers mention me as a REDNECK, wow, surprise! She said like I was an arrogant invader run aggressively to their place and ready to eat them all. SUCH a FEEBLE! I don't want to make a fight, I'm telling you, I don't have time! I just want to know when will we are ALLOWED to practice on the stage because it WAS late. Those guys made it complicated to compromise ~~~

Tired.

Have just came back from school.

Coincidently I found out that it's rain season in British, too. Not really so-called rain season, might be Autumn? Wish I could be there for once in life. These days, quite hard for me. I struggle with my study. I have one shoulder sore. I feel a ton of pressure on my back. I have lack of love, lack of feeling, ... feel nothing. I'm exhausted. Suddenly I think of a song named " sometime i feel like screaming", just saying....